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mathias
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Update...
So its been a long time since i've been on this or even write... i've had a lot on my plate of life and i'd admit... it's hard!!  Where to start....well... lets start with this....
I've changed so much that when i look in the mirror.... im having a hard time seeing myself.  I've lost who i was and im slowly getting that back.  But in the process, i've had some good and bad things happen. Im gonna start with the bad just because i can.  I've lost some friends and best friends because of certain situations with certain people and situations.  I would like to apologize even though like none of them will read this but i want this out of my head so maybe i can have some ease.  Im sorry.... i hope that we can still be friends and still be in touch.  Now onto family... my family seems to be disappating right in front of my own eyes and i cant do anything about it except be there for them, in which i will be but i'll tell ya that in a lil bit... My father my need 3 different surgeries adn my mom is having heart problems and my brother is sick with something that the doctors cant find out whats wrong so they are still running a bunch of test on him.  My brother and sis-in-law are fighting and then getting back together and then fighting some more... and then i got confronted on cheating with my sis-in-law... lmao... no thank you!  Maybe youre having the same problems or what not... if you are contact me it might help the both of us!  This one, lol, everyone knows this one.... my bank account seems to getting emptier and emptier every time i look at it hahaha....as im sitting here listening to the music i use to listen to... i cant help but to think of the past.  I know im sorta jumping all over but if you knew me you would understand thats what i do because thats what my mind does... good times... so many... Sheldon... :'(  Man i miss you brother... for those of you that dont know, we've known each other since pre-k! We grew up together, playing soccer, basketball, hanging out all the time and being best friends.  Well we lost him about 6 weeks ago due to some d-bags teenagers thinking they were kool!  But there isnt a day that goes bye where im reminded of him and think of him... i miss him so much!  But leaving on that note before i start breaking down again.... the future...
I am now a Police Officer!!!!!  Woot Woot!!!  Lol a Bolivar Police Officer!! Im so stoked.  And im in the Police Academy!!  So my career is coming along smoothly... so far lol.  I cant wait til i cant drive in that police car! Its something i wanted since i was a boy!  So this means that i will be moving back to bolivar once im done with the academy which is something that i have been thinking about for a long time now.  Yeah thats about the only thing im looking foward to really... well theres another but.... problem....  Shes been doing nothing but starting fights with me and shitt and im getting feed up with it... but she is carrying "my" baby.  Yesi put it in "" because i dont know if it is until she is born so... But yes im going to be a daddy... but im leaving that issue as is because its all screwed up...
I feel a lil better now that i typed this up instead of having it in my head. Mind you this is only a lil bit but hey it works right... well theres the lil update for ya... well this is for a few different sites so... who ever reads it lol holla let me know whatcha up to...  Peace..

Love ya
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#
I sit here all night waiting for my phone to go off, even though I know my phone won't ring.
I stand at work waiting for the text to come in but every time I open my phone all it does is drain my battery.
I wait by the road for you to come up it but no one comes up it.
But I'm use to it...
I expect you to lie to my face because that's all Ive gotten from every person in my past...
I expect everything to go bad and for you to run away and for me to be disappointed...
I expect you not to call or text or come see me...
But I'm use to it...
Why are you to be any different?
Who says you wont run away like everyone else has once you get to close?
How am I suppose to feel when you do though?
But I'm use to it...
Its funny though because I don't see it in your eyes this time...
Its funny because this feeling has never been felt by me before...
Its funny because it was just a dream...
But I'm use to it...
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#
Just threw it together...

There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
Might as well kiss it all good-bye.
There goes my life

 

You cant stop my love for you
it'll be here that's a given
as long as I am living on this Earth
one thing is true.
You can turn away, forget me
curse my name but love won't let me let you go
my love is unconditional

 

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel

At this time, I'm counting all the reasons I should stay.
Bottom line. I'm missing all the things I gave away.
I remind, and see your face every single day.
Still I'm blind. I wish that there was something I could say
To make things right

 

All I know, even though
Tried to give you what was left of me
But it was not enough
Didn't think about the rest of me
That it was not enough
Tried my hardest with the best of me
But it was not enough
Tried to give you what was left of me
But it was not enough

 

Now I am calling
Hoping you'll hear me
We all need somebody
To believe in something
And I won't fear this
When I am falling
We all need somebody
That can mend... These broken bones

 

So, I'll stay up all night
With these bloodshot eyes
While these walls surround me
With the story of our life

 

Cause I hate myself when I'm spun and I'm lit
Wish I wasn't addicted to you
But I can't help it
You got what I need
You are my favorite disease

 

You're never gonna be alone from this moment on
If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on
We're gonna see the world out, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone

 

If I die tomorrow
As the minutes fade away
I can't remember
Have I said all I can say?
You're my everything
You make me feel so alive
If I die tomorrow

 

The first time I looked in your eyes I knew
That I would do anything for you
The first time you touched my face I felt
Like I've never felt with anyone else

 

Where when I hear her I can see her
I can smell her sweet perfume
I can feel her skin against me when I sleep
Where I won't miss her I can kiss her
Anytime that I want to
Yeah that's right where I need to be

 

And all of your weight
All you dream
Falls on me it falls on me
And your beautiful sky
The light you bring

Falls on me

 

I wish I could hear your voice

And don't leave me alone in this bed

I wish I could touch you once more

And don't leave me alone in this bed

Not tonight, not tomorrow

 

She's a fighter when she's mad
And she's a lover when she's loving

 

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands
I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

 

 

 
#
Sliping away

All I want to do is scream… just let it all out!

Breakdown and lose it all

Leave not one thing behind

But instead, I sit here listening to music

And think about all that I have done

The good, the bad and nothing at all

My mind says one thing but my heart says another

What bad ever came to telling the truth?

What bad ever came to not saying anything at all?

But once again…I sit here listening to music

Letting my mind take over

Wondering where I went wrong all those days

Put as I turn to get up from my computer

I picture you there in my bed

Smiling

Waiting

As I look into your eyes

I start to get lost

But then as I get closer

You fade away

I run to you but you keep getting fading away

I no longer see you

When I turn around, you’re there

Only to kiss me on last time

Before you become a memory in my head

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#
Death take me now
end this endless pain
that I feel everyday.
I dont want to be
hurt anymore
too many lies
too many broken promises
too much pain.
I dont think my heart
can take this pain
but you insist on procrastination.
Why? Why am I always hurt?
dont lead me on
dont hurt me
dont say anything you dont mean
if you love someone
why do you intend on hurting them?
Love is Love
everyday i keep saying
can u handle love?
or can love handle you?
You knew no one else would love me
which is why it made it so easy for you
this is what confuses me
I want to die
every day and night!

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